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_92.webp "A married man says he became “obsessed” with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it “wasn’t his fault”.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as ‘limerence’ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say they’re happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couples’ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: “It wasn’t a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but we’ve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>“It was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>“I think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>“But it’s all about forgiveness, we’ve done the work and are happier than ever.”<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was “besotted” by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>“I’ve had crushes before,” he added. “We both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.”<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about “obsessive love” - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: “I thought, 'jeez, this is what I’ve got to a T.'<br/><br/>“Something’s not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>“I kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>“The moment I’d wake up, I’d rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>“I’d experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didn’t.<br/><br/>“It was like an intermittent reward.”<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couples’ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: “David told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dad’s funeral.<br/><br/>“I was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: ‘Oh, for god’s sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?’<br/><br/>“My dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>“We went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.”<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she “finally had the brain capacity” to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadn’t acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldn’t “consummate” the crush.<br/><br/>“David reached out to me,” Ruth said. “He asked me, ‘please help me understand what’s going on.’<br/><br/>“He was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, ‘I don’t want to throw away what we’ve got.’<br/><br/>“I told him to sit in the confusion, and I’d do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>“But I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.”<br/><br/>David said: “We started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isn’t an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>“I was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people don’t set out to have an affair.”<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to “heal” from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldn’t speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: “It was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>“They were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>“We thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you don’t throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>“Even when you’re talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.”")
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_tu-jhoothi-main-makkaar-romantic-full-movie---ranbir-kapoor-shraddha-kapoor.webp "Madness ensues when a 'Player' in the world of romantic relationships finds a girl who's a worthy opponent. Tu Jhoothi Main Makkaar is a film that believes Love is a battle of wits.<br/>Mickey, a carefree businessman and womaniser, helps couples break up. However, things change for him when he falls for Tinni, a witty and beautiful chartered accountant.<br/>Cast: Ranbir Kapoor, Shraddha Kapoor, Anubhav Singh Bassi, Dimple Kapadia, Boney Kapoor<br/><br/>In a normal universe, Tu Jhoothi Main Makkaar is about a ‘boy’ and a ‘girl’ who fall in love only to realize that they want different things from life. Breaking up is a problem because they’re not Gen Z enough to ghost each other. At most, they hang around in the relationship until the love dissipates. Anything to not have “the talk”. In this normal universe, the film is certainly not called Tu Jhoothi Main Makkaar, or anything on the lines of Sonu Ke Titu Ki Pyaar Ka Punchnama. But in Luv Ranjan’s universe, this same story is a bitter battle of sexes between a good-looking boy and a gorgeous girl who tries to leave him because – horror of horrors – she likes her independence and his family is too overbearing.<br/><br/>You can’t say Ranjan isn’t trying. If anything, this is him reacting to the criticism – that is, the (correct) accusations of casual misogyny bubble-wrapped in crowd-pleasing comedy – of his previous movies. You see, the women in those movies (Pyaar Ka Punchnama, Sonu Ke Titu Ki Sweety) were scheming, conniving caricatures who forced their boyfriends to choose between bromance and romance. Love was a messy war of ownership. But here, the conflict is centered on the woman’s inability to be cruel and manipulative; she is too evolved to be the quintessential Luv Ranjan heroine. (Coincidentally, actress Shraddha Kapoor’s breakout film, from 2011, was called Luv Ka The End). Her Nisha in this film is so nice that, rather than force poor Rohan (Ranbir Kapoor) to choose between his family and her, she attempts to do the nobler thing: Gaslight him into believing he’s the issue. Nisha would rather have Rohan reject her than the other way around. You see, her dishonesty is merely an expression of compassion. This is Luv Ranjan being progressive.<br/><br/>Never mind that Rohan, like his Kartik Aaryan-esque predecessors, decides to turn her predicament into a game. At stake is the incorruptible Indian idea of marrying not just the person, but also the family. In the pink corner lies Rohan’s courage to go from cold Casanova to heartbreaking martyr, and his pride of being a Momma’s Boy. In the blue corner lies Nisha’s reluctance to sacrifice her own ambitions at the altar of Rohan’s Barjatya-shaped love. There can be only one winner. At one point, he subjects Nisha to a sexist rant about women and jobs – except that he’s only pretending to be a horrible man. He’s pretending to be a Kabir Singh so that nobody blames her. For a moment, I was almost impressed by Luv Ranjan’s self-awareness to use toxic masculinity as a smokescreen.")
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_our-love-life-isn39t-39damaging39-our-children-124-my-extraordinary-family.webp "ADAM and Eve have been together for 10 years and started in a polyamorous relationship. Since 2020 they have dated about 60 people. They are dating coaches and have applied their knowledge to their own dating lives. Adam and Eve have five children and describe their parenting style as ‘pretty standard’.Eve said: “When it comes to our children we didn’t really sit down and have a specific conversation like ‘Mommy and Daddy are polyamorous’ - so for them it’s just another friend until about six months in.” Despite having dated around 60 people, the couple have only properly introduced three of their partners to their children. The couple have faced judgement about their dating lives and misconceptions about their behaviour in front of their children. Adam said: “I don’t believe our dating life impacts our children in any major way, other than to help them be more tolerant and open to other ideals.” They are currently in a relationship with Bella with whom they got romantically involved a few months ago. Their children adore her and especially enjoy baking with her. Eve said: “The best thing about being in a poly relationship is you’re making your own rules. It’s like you have your cake and eat it.”")
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